23 Pounds Down

Well, technically 23.4 pounds down. I’m too mentally exhausted to be excited about it the way I should be. So many life changes happening and coming soon that I think a big part of my loss this past week is stress. Not eating enough by a long shot. Yeah, I finally hit the 20-pound milestone but that wasn’t really the way to do it. Despite not hitting my Fitbit step goal consistently, I have been plenty active in regard to lifting heavy things, HIIT, and being bendy. So I’m proud of myself for that. But I have to eat more than just oranges and nuts.

Having a huge tea in the morning with a wake-up wrap is going to be my regular thing. And I’m going to make salmon for dinner tonight. That’s a start. I have to eat. But I will admit that I find it interesting how now that I barely drink coffee, I’m losing. SO many of my day calories came from coffee. Wow. Anyway, enough rambling. No more skipping lunch and dinner. Living off snacks isn’t wise. The end.

Goals and Mini Goals

You know what I need to remember to NOT do? I need to not look at how many more pounds I have to lose until I get to my supreme goal. I just have to keep reminding myself “You’re almost sub 20. Then 20 more and 20 more and…”

Seriously, I’ve lost 16.8 pounds. I’m proud and happy. I know once I’m working out HARD again, not just walking the dog and HIIT, there will be even more awesomeness. I just have to get crackin. For some reason, it am just dragging. I think it’s the season. Maybe that’s it. So face my face is slimmer. So I’m happy. But I’ll need to get my protein up because my muscle percentage is lower than acceptable to me. Oh yeah. I should review my new smart scale soon.

Saw the Doctor

Today is the beginning of another try at losing in a different way. Using IIFYM to calculate my calories and macros was a bad move. Why? Because I’m obese, not just overweight. So I’m back to less calories per day. 1700 cal/day for now. Super limited carbs — none from bread/rice/pasta for 2 weeks. Since I’ll be losing water weight, and am so effing fat, she’s convinced I have the potential to lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks if I exercise and follow the diet. I can still have coffee, but with almond/skim milk and stevia. I know I drink way too much coffee though so I had already made my one and only NewYear’s resolution to drink no more than 24 oz, eventually getting to a max of 12oz.  Why? Because I have been drinking like 48 – 60 ounces almost every day.

As for medications, I’m on a water pill (HCTZ 25mg) because my BP was a little high. I got a b12 shot and a lipo shot lol. Supposedly they do something. I don’t know if I really buy it. We talk about phentermine in 2 weeks if my BP is lower. It was lower than the other day when I had the anxiety attack so she’s optimistic. Oh, why did I have an anxiety attack at the beginning of the first appointment? Because I got on the scale and weighed more than I have ever weighed in my life. Ever. EVER. It was way too much to handle and I just broke. But yeah. I’m okay now. Optimism. Mindfulness. Sleep.

Honestly, I feel 10x better today now that I’ve gone. Plus, I slept for 12hours last night! And the past few months have been so stressful. The last month was depress-o-rama. I’m meditating again and drinking water. OMG WATER. I might have had like 5 bottles in December. The whole month. Yeah. I wasn’t taking care of myself after Bob died but now I’m getting back to normal. Now I plan to have that many each day at least. And I will exercise at least 5 days per week– even if it’s just a 15min HIIT thing. If I do that and hit my 10k step goal, I’ll lose like I did before.

So here’s to the future. Which I will not obsess over. I will do this one day at a time.

Doctor, Doctor Time

I have a doctor’s appointment set for 1/9 that I”m trying to get rescheduled for this week (today if someone cancels). Wish me luck. I hated having to reschedule because of work.  I just want hard data to record, analyze, and use for a solid plan to lose some damned weight. I hope I’m still as healthy as I was at last check-in. I hope eating meat again hasn’t made things worse than I realized. That’s my fear. I’m omnivorous at heart. I love veggies, but I love pot roast, too. And chicken with mushrooms and asparagus is my happy place on lifting days.

I’m at the point where I’m ready to try Qsymia or something similar. Qsymia would be good because it’s a combo of phentermine (appetite suppressant) and topiramate (prevents migraines and seizures). I’m fat and I get migraines — especially at work and when gaming. So I feel like this would be a win for me. But what do I know without talking to te doctor first? Actually a lot. Usually my doctors are impressed by my insanely anal researching and agree with my assessment. Obsessive personality power! Yeah, it’s why I’m asking for Qsymia and not Contrave. Crazy people don’t need Contrave making them crazier. 

Anyway, at my weight, I could realistically lose 10 pounds a month safely for about 6 months. That much I know. So let’s hope things go well when I finally get to the doctor. Waiting sucks.

The Other Side

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster all month. Ever since my [ex-] father-in-law passed away. The funeral was 12/6 and I think that was the big thing. I saw him the afternoon before he died. It was the first time I visited in a while. His cancer was getting worse and I needed to see him. I’m glad I did but I’m still wonky over everything. But it’s not like I’m his real daughter so of course I’m expected to just be fine by now.

Anyway, Bob’s passing has had me obsessing over family and doing better for myself financially and finishing my education and it’s been overwhelming. I haven’t been obsessing over things in a healthy, constructive way. And I sure as hell haven’t been working out consistently. I’ve been doing a lot of sleeping and crochet and video games and sex. That’s about it.

So, I’ve reached the other side of the depression again. Now that I am fully aware and motivated to get back into the swing of things, I’m going full force. I have a 2017 planner that started this week. I’ll be logging workouts and health notes in there. So not so much a planner as a reflection book. Because apps are great, but paper owns my heart. So yes, I will be copying Fitbit and My Fitness Pal data to my planner/journal. It willbe like a daily meditation on achieving wellness.

And today I have a doctor’s appointment to get everything tested and see about Qsymia– but that’s a whole other post right there.

 

Toodle-loo.

Meh x100

Someone mentioned having a case of “the fuck-its” and I think I’m almost there. I’m doing stronglifts 5×5 and trying to walk the dog more on off days. I wanted to see if just lifting would be enough. It’s not. Yes, the muscle is there. Yes, I’m stronger. No, I’m not really getting smaller. And I worry that eating this much — even though it’s at a deficit– is part of the problem. I feel like I should go back to eating 1500-1800 cal/day. Like maybe a “healthy” deficit isn’t what I need. Maybe I need a drastic one, regardless of my weight-lifting obsession. For now. I’ll just add 30min pilates on off days and see if that helps. And drop from 2635cal to 2300. I don’t know. It all feels like bullshit and a waste of time.

WTF Sugar?!

How the hell have I gone over my sugar already?!!

 

Your Food Diary For:

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Breakfast Calories

kcal
Carbs

g
Fat

g
Protein

g
Sodium

mg
Sugar

g
Dunkin Donuts – Pumpkin Swirl Hot Coffee Xl, 14 oz 170 38 0 3 95 36
Land O’lakes – Yellow American Cheese, Deli 28 g, 28 g 100 2 9 5 400 2
Bagel – Bagel Plain, 1 bagel (98 g) 150 48 2 10 430 6
Market – Banana, 1 banana 105 27 0 1 1 14
525 115 11 19 926 58
Elevensies
     
Lunch
Allrecipes – Mini Meatloaf, 2 mini loaf 508 33 29 30 1,290 25
Broccoli Fresh Steamed – Generic, 1 cup 62 12 1 6 64 2
570 45 30 36 1,354 27
Afternoony Noms
     
Dinner
     
Darktime Noms
     
Totals 1,095 160 41 55 2,280 85
Your Daily Goal 2,850 183 124 250 2,300 76
Remaining 1,755 23 83 195 20 -9
Calories

kcal
Carbs

g
Fat

g
Protein

g
Sodium

mg
Sugar

g
*You’ve earned 215 extra calories from exercise today